What are critical communication skills?
Put simply: they’re listening, speaking, observing and empathising.
At Davies, we talk with our clients about the performance equation being at the heart of getting the best out of others and this equation relies heavily on the four elements of good communication. Performance starts with people talking about what they want to mutually achieve, building a trusted relationship to underpin working together and then extending this to those you collaborate with to deliver results.
Against the backdrop of this performance equation, it is difficult to overstate the value of strong listening skills as a leader or manager. It allows you to show your team you value them, to understand them better, to build trust, increase morale and over time, build effective, productive and happy teams. As the ever-reliable Stephen Covey states, “The best leaders are those who lead by listening.”
So how do we lead by listening?
Make time and be present
One key piece of leadership advice is to show your team that they are a priority; so, make time for them and be present. Minimise all distractions, whether dealing with your team on a one-to-one basis or during team meetings. You might think you’re multitasking without anyone noticing, but when you divide your attention, you miss out on fully engaging in the conversation and unintentionally signal to your team member that they don’t deserve your time or full focus.
Seek to understand
Try to focus on listening for understanding, as opposed to waiting for your turn to speak. Observe body language, tone, and both what is said and what is left unsaid. This will allow you to ask the right questions to dig beneath the surface, to gain insight into how your team feels about things, what motivates them, and how you can meet their needs as a manager.
Summarise as you go
In crucial conversations, you may want to take notes, but it’s important to be aware of the fact you cannot be fully present and take notes at the same time. Instead, stop periodically and summarise what has been said as you make notes. Summarising also helps demonstrate your interest and highlights any miscommunication or misunderstanding.
Consider how you organise meetings
Team meetings are a great opportunity for you to develop an understanding of your team. Nelson Mandela famously recalled watching his father, a tribal chief, who would allow everyone else to have their say before being the last to speak. You might want to consider this approach at times, again potentially summarising what your team has shared, and focussing on how to take things forward and the decisions that have been made.
Make sure the quiet voices are heard
Another consideration within team meetings is to strive for all parties to have equal input, which will rarely be the case without deliberate steps to achieve it. Typically, some voices will always be the first to speak and can dominate conversations. Recognise that the quietest person in the room often holds the very best ideas, trapped behind hesitation. It’s worth reflecting on Charles Bukowski’s quote: ‘The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.’
Ensure the loud voices don’t always dominate
It may also be worth considering that in small groups, people with high status tend to dominate the conversation, with the highest-status individual controlling half the conversation regardless of group size. Team members tend to address higher-status individuals more often, look at them more frequently, and interrupt them less. Researchers have found that when someone with lower status speaks more than what others consider appropriate, people may judge them as having spoken ‘too much.’ By recognising these dynamics, you can actively take steps to ensure every team member feels like a valued participant who is expected to contribute, rather than a passive observer.
Practice makes perfect
If you want to improve your listening skills, then, as with most skills, practice. Challenge yourself to seek to understand, limit your own contributions and increase those from others (in particular the quietest members of your team). Make an effort to listen to everyone regardless of whether you agree with them, their status or influence. Acknowledge your biases and recognise the factors that influence how you interpret what others say. As a leader, you should also be inviting feedback, and trying to learn from it, whether it is what you hoped to hear or not. And focus on creating psychological safety, encouraging people to engage so they feel the organisation includes them.
Leaders once believed it was enough to say, “My door is always open for you to come to me”. Now they need to be continually proactive – to be curious with people, explore, listen, – and accept that you don’t know everything, and you don’t have all the answers. It is also not just about what you don’t know, but what others might know.
