What are critical communication skills?
Put simply: they’re listening, speaking, observing and empathising.
At Davies, we talk with our clients about the performance equation being at the heart of getting the best out of others and this equation relies heavily on the four elements of good communication. Performance starts with people talking about what they want to mutually achieve, building a trusted relationship to underpin working together and then extending this to those you collaborate with to deliver results.
Against the backdrop of this performance equation, it is difficult to overstate the value of strong listening skills as a leader or manager. It allows you to show your team you value them, to understand them better, to build trust, increase morale and over time, build effective, productive and happy teams. As the ever-reliable Stephen Covey states, “The best leaders are those who lead by listening.”
So how do we lead by listening?
Make time and be present
One key piece of leadership advice is to show your team that they are a priority; so, make time for them and be present. Minimise all distractions, whether dealing with your team on a one-to-one basis or during team meetings. You may think it’s imperceptible when you are multitasking, but not only will you not get the full benefit of being fully engaged in listening, but you will also subtly demonstrate that your team member is not worthy of your time or your full, focused attention.
Seek to understand
Try to focus on listening for understanding, as opposed to waiting for your turn to speak. Pay attention to body language, tone and what is not being said as well as what is. This will allow you to ask the right questions to dig beneath the surface, to gain insight into how your team feels about things, what motivates them, and how you can meet their needs as a manager.
Summarise as you go
In crucial conversations, you may want to take notes, but it’s important to be aware of the fact you cannot be fully present and take notes at the same time. Instead, stop periodically and summarise what has been said as you make notes. Summarising also helps demonstrate your interest and highlights any miscommunication or misunderstanding.
Consider how you organise meetings
Team meetings are a great opportunity for you to develop an understanding of your team. Nelson Mandela famously recalled watching his father, a tribal chief, who would allow everyone else to have their say before being the last to speak. You might want to consider this approach at times, again potentially summarising what has been shared, and focussing on how to take things forward and the decisions that have been made.
Make sure the quiet voices are heard
Another consideration within team meetings is to strive for all parties to have equal input, which will rarely be the case without deliberate steps to achieve it. Typically, some voices will always be the first to speak and can dominate conversations. It’s imperative you recognise that the very best ideas are often stuck in the throat of the quietest person in the room (it’s sometimes worth reflecting on the Charles Bukowski quote, “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”).
Ensure the loud voices don’t always dominate
It may also be worth considering that in small groups, people with high status tend to dominate the conversation, with the highest-status individual controlling half the conversation regardless of group size. Higher-status members are also addressed more often, are looked at more often, and are less likely to be interrupted. Research even suggests that if a low-status person attempts to speak more than is deemed appropriate, they can be judged to have spoken ‘too much.’ By taking this into account, you can look to take steps to ensure all team members feel like participants who are expected to contribute, as opposed to spectators to a conversation.
Practice makes perfect
If you want to improve your listening skills, then, as with most skills, practice. Challenge yourself to seek to understand, limit your own contributions and increase those from others (in particular the quietest members of your team). Make an effort to listen to everyone regardless of whether you agree with them, their status or influence. Consider your biases and the factors at play which impact how we may interpret what is being said. As a leader, you should also be inviting feedback, and trying to learn from it, whether it is what you hoped to hear or not. And focus on creating psychological safety, encouraging people to engage so they feel included in the organisation. It used to be enough to say “My door is always open for you to come to me”. Now leaders need to be continually proactive – to be curious with people, explore, listen, – and accept that you don’t know everything, and you don’t have all the answers. It is also not just about what you don’t know, but what others might know.
